


A fair thought to lie between maids' legs

by merkintosh



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Hazing, Manscaping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merkintosh/pseuds/merkintosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt finally sees the appeal of participating in teambuilding exercises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A fair thought to lie between maids' legs

**Author's Note:**

> So on a locked mt4s entry, [](http://rebootuniverse.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://rebootuniverse.livejournal.com/)**rebootuniverse** used the word "PubeHawk" and I was like, "Gross!" but she was like, "Nuh uh!" and it became this.

"Hey, Kurt?"

Finn was standing awkwardly in the choir room, hand on the back of his neck as he spoke, "The guys and I. We wanted to ask you a question since you know so much about what's cool and fashionable."

Kurt could feel a slight flutter in his stomach as he tried to not squirm on the piano bench. It was just him and Finn in the choir room.

"Sure, Finn. I'm glad you've come to your senses and realized that fashion is the only gateway to true power and popularity. What did you want to know?"

Finn dropped his hand and shrugged quickly. "Do you mind talking about this with all the guys at my place? It's kind of a personal issue, like the t-zone thing you mentioned before."

"I do know a lot about skincare," Kurt mused to himself. "I guess so. When do you want to meet up?"

Finn gave a quick grin. "Well, they're kind of already at my place. I was supposed to ask you yesterday but I forgot. You don't mind, do you?"

Kurt sighed.

***

Kurt had to admit, he had not expected Finn to sit him down in a chair in front of a television set while the rest of the boys from glee club sat in a row like ducklings on Finn's bed. "What's going on?" Kurt asked. The flutter in his stomach felt different this time.

Finn spread his hands out in front of him. "We just heard some of the girls talking about this last week and we didn't want to ask them outright about it so we figured we should ask you."

Kurt interrupted, "I'm not a girl."

Puck snorted. Mike punched him in the shoulder and covered his face in case Puck decided to retaliate. Finn put his hand out over both of their chests without looking.

"We know that, Kurt," he said soothingly, "but we figured if anyone would know what they were talking about it would be you since you spend a lot more time with the girls as a friend than we do."

Puck muttered, "Besides, if anyone would worry about stray hairs on their face, it would be you." Kurt narrowed his eyes at Puck, but couldn't figure out what he actually meant by that.

"Fine. What were they talking about then?" Kurt asked.

Artie spoke for the first time since Kurt got there, "They were discussing the pros and cons of manscaping," he said.

Kurt just stared at the boys blankly.

"Manscaping?" Finn tried saying it again, hoping it would click without them having to explain. Kurt just kept staring.

"For god's sake," Puck said before yelling out, "waxing your balls, Kurt! Shaving your pubic hair completely off! Things like that!"

Kurt flinched and stared at them all with wide-eyed shock. "Is this a joke? Why are you talking to me about this?"

Puck settled down with a grin. "Because if there's anyone in glee club who has a vested interest in men's crotches besides the girls, it's you."

Kurt could find no fault in their logic.

***

Kurt was pretty sure he was hallucinating. Rachel Berry had given him a gold star today to put next to her name in the men's bathroom during sixth period and she must have laced the sticker with LSD. That was the only possible explanation for what was happening to him.

He was still sitting in the chair in Finn's room, but now the boys were spaced further out on the bed or in separate chairs in the tiny room as they all worked their pants and underwear down to let Kurt judge how much manscaping they needed. Kurt pinched himself on the hip when no one was looking.

"I don't have to fuck a skull or a cantaloupe or dance naked in a cornfield or eat a goldfish, do I?" Kurt asked as Finn stood up to push down his boxers.

Artie looked up at Kurt mournfully before returning to fiddling with his belt. "You tried to join the fruit sculpture club, too?" he said.

Mike already had his clothes down to his knees and was leaning back on Finn's bed. He had nothing to be worried about. "I think you should just sit and judge from over there, Kurt."

"I'm okay with that," Kurt said. Secretly, he was pretty sure this was the best night of his life so far.

Puck stood up. "I'm thinking some hair is probably a good idea or I'll feel like a twelve-year-old screwing around with Mrs. Jurgens all over again. How about like an arrow pointing down at my dick? In case the ladies get distracted by my abs while getting on their knees." He pulled his shirt up so Kurt could get the full visual impact.

Artie spoke up sarcastically, "Or just a landing strip. Like a mohawk for your penis."

Puck dropped his shirt so he could point at Artie. "Yeah! a PubeHawk for the Puckra."

Finn was covering his face with his hands.

Kurt tried to placate them all, "Look guys. I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be fine. I doubt anyone is going to date you based on your pubic hair or lack thereof. Just trim it so you don't start shedding like a Himalayan, or get rid of it all, or do nothing. I really don't want to know what your decisions end up being. Now this has been fun and I'm glad we all had this chance to bond, but I'm leaving now. You guys can sit around with your pants off and play videogames or measure dicks or swordfight or something." He stood up.

He sat back down when the guys stood up with him (except for Artie who just sort of waved his hands in the air), their pants still around their knees.

"Wait, Kurt!" Finn said, "We still need your help."

Mike looked earnest as he spoke. "We need help with the wax. I don't trust Finn with my balls."

All the guys nodded, except for Finn, who looked a little hurt.

Best night of his life. Hands down.


End file.
